Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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