The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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