No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
