If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How does it feel to date your dad?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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