whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
