Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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