is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
