I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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