Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
