Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
