Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
