i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
