I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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