Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
