i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
