We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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