The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
