I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
