It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
