I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
