that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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