That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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