i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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