In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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