Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
