I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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