you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
