Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
