Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
