You're my little dorito
My balls are so social today.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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