I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need a beard to bite.
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