You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
