Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize