I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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