no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize