Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
