were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
