Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
