I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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