After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
