i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
