just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Damn victory sex feels great
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
