Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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