you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
