i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
