drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
