My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
