I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
God I need to hump something, right now.
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