omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
