I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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