Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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