Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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