id be glad to
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
two words...techno handjob
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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