The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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