Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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