Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
