Michael Bay diarrhea
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
