By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize