Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
