nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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