Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
