just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
