wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
