My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
