reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
