i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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