Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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