i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
