If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Randomize
