K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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