I am in a vortex of obligation.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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