My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
