seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
so much tequila, so little girl.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
