I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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