i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
